Because my friend is a douchebag, I got a a Shake Weight for Christmas. As such, I feel compelled to review it (Thanks Douchebag!)
I’m not above making the obvious masturbation jokes, so I’m going to keep a tally going. That way, we can all keep score together!
Since you’re reading my site, I’m going to assume you’re not an idiot. Thus, you already know that the Shake Weight can’t possibly work. If it did, every 13 year old boy out there would look like Macho Man Randy Savage (Count = 1)
It’s not completely worthless though. It does take a lot of work to keep moving it back and forth, up and down, maybe smack it around a little (Count = 2) Burning calories is useful and you get some helpful muscle endurance, but only for that very specific movement range. So it’s only helpful for those lonely Wednesday nights (Count = 3) or if you spend a lot of time pumping bike tires (Count = still 3)
It’s not going to build muscle though. The box for the Shake Weight claims that “You’ll know in 60 seconds that it works.” Just because your arms are tired doesn’t mean you’re bulking up. It just means you’re tiring yourself out. Why are you tiring yourself out? Most people don’t do that motion with 5 pounds of weight.
“Most people” (Count = 4)
The Shake Weight is also surprisingly loud. Like, it has to be an intentional joke loud. If you live in an apartment with thin walls, your neighbor will probably think you’re having sex… until they see you leave alone in the morning. Then they’ll assume one of three things:
1. Serial killer
2. Masturbating (5)
3. Shake Weight
Really, none of those options are that appealing. If you want to get in good shape, save the 30 bucks and do some push ups. Plus, if you do bulk up, would you rather tell everyone that you bulked up doing push ups or using a Shake Weight?
Better than P90X
Final verdict: 5 masturbation jokes. Baby Jesus is crying.