Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever (2002) Review

According to Rotten Tomatoes, Ballistic: Ecks Vs Sever is the worst reviewed movie ever. It stands at 0 Fresh reviews out of 108 total. Is it really that bad?

Absolutely. This movie is terrible. It’s awful. There aren’t any words strong enough in any language to describe just how bad this film is. I’d use a picture (which they say is worth 1000 words) but do I really need pictures of dead hookers on my site? (I don’t think I do)

Pile of puppies
It’s basically the opposite of this

I couldn’t explain the plot if I wanted to (and honestly, I don’t want to) It’s a lot like a bad dream… You start off sitting in a bar, then you’re hired to find some guy’s kidnapped son, then you find out that guy is married to your wife (who you thought was dead), then you find out that the son is actually your son, then there’s a microscopic robot frog that kills that guy. Actually, that is the plot of this movie. And it makes much more sense in that run-on sentence than it does in the film.

I was surprised to see that the movie features Ray Park (who played Darth Maul) as one of the bad guys. I like Ray Park and I was kind of psyched to see him. Too bad the movie completely wastes his talents… Ray Park is a kick-ass martial artist and his only fight scene just plain sucks. I’ve seen better fight choreography watching 3rd graders re-enact an episode of Power Rangers. Also, the 3rd graders were all in wheelchairs.

So should you watch this movie? Yeah, maybe you should. It’s a short movie (88 minutes) and it flies by. You might never see a worse movie and for what it’s worth, it’s fun to watch a movie fail so completely. Just don’t think about it too hard or your brain will explode.

Final verdict: If a thousand schizophrenic monkeys sat at a thousand typewriters, and every key on those typewriters was a different word for “shit”, they wouldn’t make a worse movie.

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