Showgirls (1995) Review

If you know anything about movies, you know that this movie is terrible. It killed Elizabeth Berkley’s career. It nearly killed Paul Verhoeven’s career. It killed the NC-17 rating. It is just horrible.

The film starts with Elizabeth Berkley’s character Nomi Malone hitch-hiking in Salt Lake City. When a bad Elvis caricature picks her up, she asks where he’s heading. He replies “Vegas baby”, and after some hesitation, she decides to go with him. He then asks where she’s heading, and she says Las Vegas, “to be a dancer.” Less than five minutes in and the movie already has me asking WTF? She’s hitch-hiking hundreds of miles from Las Vegas and just happens to get picked up by a guy that’s driving there? That can’t be very likely. And why the hell would she hesitate before getting in the car? He happens to be going EXACTLY WHERE SHE WANTS TO GO. Oh, and after just 15 seconds, she pulls a switchblade on him. Just 325 miles left to go!

I’m not going to give a full synopsis of this movie because it’s just too horrible for me to recount. Long story short: She becomes a stripper, then becomes a dancer in a big topless production, then gets the lead, then her friend gets raped, then she leaves Las Vegas. Somehow, the filmmakers managed to not make any of that interesting. Hell, you could make a full film about any of those parts!

Leaving Las Vegas
Even the last part

Nothing really happens in this movie. Well, okay, a lot of shit happens, but none of it means anything. To quote the bard, it’s full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. There is no character growth, no plot advancement. It’s just “here’s a bunch of stuff… and boobs” Pornos usually have better plot (and just as many boobs)

The characters are all pretty terrible, but Nomi is the worst. She’s an absolutely worthless human being. She acts like a bitch to everyone, she sluts her way into her dream job, she pushes someone down the stairs… and she never does anything redeeming whatsoever. No one should like her, but everyone is obsessed with her. It’s just stupid.

Why would anyone think this movie was a good idea? Sure, it’s fun as a movie that’s so bad that it’s hilarious, but surely that wasn’t the intent. Someone along the line thought it was a good idea to make this movie. I guess it’s not all bad though. I mean, haven’t you always wondered what Jessie Spano’s vagina looked like?

Mr Belding
“I know I have!”

This movie is awful. Everything about it is awful. It’s amazing… by the end, you even become desensitized to all of the nudity. It just becomes another part of this trainwreck. Like how the first snow of the year is pretty cool, but then by January you’re just screaming “Put on a damn top!” Or something like that.

Final verdict: I’m so excited! I’m so excited! I’m so… scared!!!!!

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2 Responses to Showgirls (1995) Review

  1. Krystal Parker says:

    I’m guessing Belding pulled a PeeWee herman in the theater then this came out…and that news breaker would have been far more entertaining than this horrid film.