Paper Mate Write Bros Ballpoint Stick Pen Review

This pen is bullshit. It’s the worst pen in the world, and I once had a pen that gave you AIDS just by holding it. I hate this pen.

The thing runs out of ink within 15 seconds of use. You couldn’t write the name “Paper Mate Write Bros Ballpoint Stick Pen” without running out of ink. Fun fact: If you used these pens to write out this review by hand, you’d be able to line up the discarded pens end to end all the way to the moon (citation needed).

I don’t ask much of my pens. They don’t have to give me a back massage while singing show tunes. They just need to freaking write. But no, you can’t do that with these pens. They don’t even last as long as Fruit Stripe gum.

Fruit Stripe Bubblegum
“I swear that’s never happened before… I was just nervous and you’re so pretty”

As you write, you have to keep pushing down harder and harder to try and coax some ink out. Within minutes, your hand has transformed into an unusable claw. I’m convinced that these pens are a thinly veiled ploy to turn us all into a race of crab people.

The only time these pieces of shit seem to have any ink is when they burst in your pocket. Then, they somehow contain enough ink to drown a horse (if you’ve ever drowned a horse before, you know that it takes A LOT of ink). It’s a cruel joke and we’re all the victims.

Final verdict: This pen is awful. I’d have better luck writing with a freaking banana. I hate this pen. If it were somehow possible to murder a pen, I would murder the shit out of this one.

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