I’ve always been fascinated by cereal mascots. No other foods, or even any other products, push mascots quite the way breakfast cereals do. I don’t know why, but seeing kids withhold cereal from a rabbit makes me want that cereal more.
Silly rabbit, your suffering makes me hungry
Of course, there is one mascot that is miles above the rest: Cap’n Crunch. He has everything a mascot needs: He’s unique, easy to recognize, creative…
And he has a popped collar that puts all others to shame
Besides having a great mascot, Cap’n Crunch cereals also accomplish the most important goal of all cereals: They stay crunchy in milk. I would rather eat a bowl of aresenic than soggy cereal. Sure, Cap’n Crunch tears the shit out of the roof of your mouth, but it’s worth it to have that satisfying crunch.
While all Cap’n Crunch cereals are pretty good, everyone knows that Crunch Berries reign supreme. I might have eaten Peanut Butter Crunch or plain ol’ Cap’n Crunch, but I died a little inside everytime I got cereal that wasn’t Crunch Berries.
The key to eating Crunch Berries is the berry-to-crunch ratio. Every spoonful needs to have at least one Crunch Berry, and it’s more art than science to ensure you can finish a bowl without any berry-less bites of cereal. Leaving only yellow crunch pieces should be considered a failure of epic proportions, tantamount to teen pregnancy or starring in the Jersey Shore.
Final Verdict: Crunch Berries are manna from Heaven.