Family Circus (2/9/2011) Review

Family Circus 2 9 2011

Dolly, you are an idiot.

I’m less interested in Dolly’s mental problems than I am in what’s going on in the background. Check out the counter by the mom… it just kind of fades away there. Is this a case of artist laziness, or is there a deeper meaning? (Probably the former, but I’ll explore the latter because that’s what I do here)

Maybe Dolly’s words are a clue: “My bread is stuck in the basement.” It is unlikely that anyone, even someone as stupid as Dolly, would refer to the bottom of a toaster as “the basement.” I think she can actually see the basement through the slots of that toaster, and her bread is down there somewhere. Maybe the toaster burned a hole in the counter and straight through the floor. But that seems a little far-fetched.

What most likely happened is some kind of sub-space anomaly. A wormhole opened up in the kitchen, transporting the bread (and most of the kitchen counter) into “the basement.” Whether that’s the actual basement or some sort of firey netherworld has yet to be determined.

I’m concerned for the mom in this situation. She is walking in a pre-coffee stupor; her eyes are unfocused, she’s barely awake, she truly regrets being pro-life… her usual morning routine. She doesn’t notice that she’s about to step into the void. I probably shouldn’t be too worried though. Even if she’s transported to some Hell-like realm of infinite torture and demons, it would still be better than caring for her miserable troll-children.

Why did this wormhole open up? It could just be a random occurence, a freakish fluke like ball lightning or Ke$ha’s success. Or maybe that other realm truly is Hell, and it’s a simple case of Satan coming up to claim Jeffy (as we all knew he would one day) The bread was an unfortunate case of collateral damage.

Final verdict: We should all mourn the bread, for it was an innocent caught up in events beyond its control.

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