Dan Rants: Hand washing

Like most people, I sometimes have to use the restroom. Also like most people, sometimes this means I have to do this while out in a public place. At those times, I have to use the *shudder* Public Restrooms.

I hate public restrooms, so I do what I have to as quickly as possible, then I get out. I really don’t want to spend much time in there. However, as much as I want to get in and get out, I ALWAYS wash my hands.

It seems obvious, right? You go to the bathroom, then you wash your hands. I rarely even think about it; it’s just a part of life. But, I’ve noticed that, for many people, it’s not a part of life. My best estimate, based on what I’ve witnessed, is 1 in 5 men don’t wash their hands (I have no baseline for women, but I’ve heard the number is comparable).

The location of the restroom makes a big difference. At the office, almost 100% of people wash their hands. At the bar, about 1/2 do. At the airport, maybe 1 in 5 actually wash their hands. That means 80% of people I’ve seen a the airport DON’T WASH THEIR HANDS.

I’m not going to beat around the bush on this one: If you don’t wash your hands, you are a terrible person. That shit is disgusting. I truly hate people that don’t wash their hands.

There’s just no reason for it. Are you in a hurry? Then wash quickly. It’s better than nothing. No paper towels in the bathroom? Then wipe your hands on your damn pants. Did you just go number one? I DON’T CARE. WASH YOUR GOD DAMN HANDS.

I propose the following solution: We post a guard at every public restroom. His job is a simple one. If he sees someone leave the restroom without washing, he kicks them in the spine. That’s a deterrent right there. Plus, we’re creating jobs and that can help stimulate the economy. It’s win-win.

Since we’re not yet at a point where we have spine-kickers at every restroom, please take a minute to do the following: If you use a restroom without washing your hands, please take a fork and jam it into your leg. Does it hurt? Good. You’re a disgusting, terrible excuse for a human being. You deserve so much worse.

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2 Responses to Dan Rants: Hand washing

  1. Donald Davenport says:

    Back in 2000, I and several Almont kids went to Prague. Over there a woman is usually stationed at the entrance to the restroom and sells you toilet paper if you are going to need it, and otherwise functions as the toilet police. One day, Josh (from Almont) walked out without flushing – at least according to the toilet policewoman – and she chased him down the hall and made him come back and flush.

    • Dan says:

      That’s about 1/2 way there. If she had kicked him in the spine, then I’d feel like we’re making progress.