Ketchup is an amazing condiment. It goes with almost anything and it just takes great. As such, I like to soak my foods with ketchup. Absolutely drown them in it. And you just can’t do that with a ketchup packet.
You see, ketchup packets are a prank played on us by the fast food industry. “We’ll serve you barely edible food” they say. “The only thing that could make them palatable is ketchup. And damnit, we’re just not willing to give you much of it.” This review is specifically for McDonald’s Fancy Ketchup, but this part applies to all ketchup packets: It’s not enough ketchup to do anything with it.
Bigger is better
Each ketchup packet contains enough ketchup for one french fry or half of a chicken nugget. It’s just not enough. But since I’m sure as hell not going to eat a dry McNugget, I end up using dozens of ketchup packets with a single meal. After eating, I have to throw away pounds of discarded packets. Scientists estimate that ketchup packets make up 95% of all garbage found in landfills (citation needed).
Pictured: An aerial view of America’s largest landfill
So how is the ketchup itself? I mean, it has to be good if they control the portions so strictly, right? Actually… it’s just alright. It’s less “ketchup” and more “warm red goo that you put on food.” The ketchup in Fancy Ketchup packets never tastes quite the same as ketchup from a bottle, and it’s always too warm. However, it’s still the only thing that makes McDonald’s food worth eating, so, it’ll have to do.
“That’ll do, Fancy Ketchup. That’ll do.”
I do have to take issue with the naming of McDonald’s Fancy Ketchup. Nothing at McDonald’s is fancy. Not even The Grimace. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that almost nothing we encounter in our daily lives is fancy. Unless this ketchup packet is wearing a tophat and a monocle, it’s just not fancy. (Alternatively, it could also be called Fancy if the ketchup packet went into prostitution at a young age to save itself from a life of poverty.)
Here’s your one chance, Ketchup, don’t let me down
Final verdict: McDonald’s Fancy Ketchup isn’t really that great, nor is it that fancy, but it’s the only thing that can make a meal at McDonald’s taste decent. That’s why they do everything they can to make sure you never have enough of it.
Gunner Stahl says “If you really want to be fancy, you’ll go glove side”