The Human Centipede Review

No. Absolutely not. I refuse.

Here, have some pictures of puppies instead:


Puppies 2

Puppies 3

Seriously, this movie only elicits one response from me: “What the hell?” And not in a cool “Do you want to go to White Castle?” “What the hell, let’s go” kind of way. It’s in a WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE kind of way.

Look, I’m all for creative expression. And I love cheesy horror films as much as the next guy. But a line must be drawn somewhere. And this movie is so far past the line that you couldn’t see the line from this movie with a high powered telescope, even on a clear night when telescopes are supposed to work better but for some reason you can’t even get good focus on the moon and you’re like “Come on, the moon is the biggest freaking thing in the night sky, why isn’t this working?” and then you realized you wasted $500 on a telescope and it sits in your basement collecting dust ever since.

Ummm…. Sorry about that. I got a little lost in my metaphor…

It’s not like I’m morally opposed to this film. I just don’t want to see something where the sole point of the film is to make me throw up. I hate throwing up. You know it’s bad when the sheer CONCEPT of the movie is enough to make you sick.

Maybe this movie is great. Maybe the filmmaking and cinematography is so beautiful that it would change the way I view film altogether. Maybe, but I will never know. I will not watch this movie. Does that make me a coward? It might, a little bit. But it’s better than being the kind of sick, disgusting bastard that would watch it.

Final verdict: Those puppies sure were cute, right? I’m going to look at those pictures again so I don’t have to think about this movie anymore.

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One Response to The Human Centipede Review

  1. Cody says:

    That metaphor was f***ing gold.