Dan Rants – Potholes

It’s that magical time of year again: Pothole season. The time of year that the very ground we drive upon splits open and swallows our cars whole.

Look, I understand that many places around the world have to deal with earthquakes. In such a place, potholes would be understandable. Michigan is not one of these places. Michigan just gets cold.

I’ve heard the excuse “It’s just really cold here, which wears down the roads.” If that was all there was to it, why would the roads suddenly become exponentially better once you drive into Ohio? No, it’s just an excuse to cover up the simple truth: Roads suck in Michigan.

I saw a pothole so big that, if your car fell in, it would take 2 years to hit the bottom. When the pothole filled up with rainwater, tourists mistook it for Lake Huron.

There’s nothing quite like driving to work and all of a sudden having your spine snap in two because you drove into a Michigan pothole. Plus, now you get the joy of changing a blown tire with a broken back! That’s a life skill.

Damn you Michigan roads. Stop falling apart at the mere hint of snow. Stop trying to steal my car right out from under me. Stop sucking so damn much.

The patches put on the potholes don’t even help. They might keep you from falling in for a few days, but after that, they just camoflauge the pothole enough to cause even more accidents. DAMN YOU ROAD!

Final verdict: I’m moving somewhere warm. That’ll solve it.

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