Jack and Jill (2011) Preview

No this isn’t a review. Are you kidding? I don’t hate myself quite that much. Free Willy 3, sure, I’ll watch that. Home Alone 4? Bring it on. But Jack and Jill? Hell no.

I have an important question: What the hell Adam Sandler? What the hell? You used to be awesome. You were funny, you were edgy, and you were damn entertaining.

For fun, I’m going to grab a few highlights from your IMDB filmography, in chronological order:

Airheads (1994) – A great start. It’s not a classic but it’s still funny and worthy of any DVD shelf
Billy Madison (1995) – Amazing. One of the funniest movies of the 90′s. Yay Adam Sandler!
Happy Gilmore (1996) – Also amazing! Adam Sandler sure is funny!
The Wedding Singer (1998) – Hmm… this movie has it’s moments. More of a chick flick than anything, but damn it I love your freak outs.
Waterboy (1998) – That’s more like it. Sure, it’s not as good as your earlier works, but still… pretty funny and not a chick flick!
Big Daddy (1999) – Okay… well this is… sappy. Sure, there are some funny parts, but this is dangerously close to being another chick flick. Huh.
Little Nicky (2000) – Now you’re just trying too hard.
Mr. Deeds (2002) – Another chick flick? What the hell man?
Anger Management (2003) – So the whole thing was a set-up to help you manage your anger? That doesn’t even make any sense!
50 First Dates (2004) – Alright dude… enough with the goddamn romantic comedies. They aren’t funny and they really aren’t very good. You need to change it up a bit.
Click (2006) – Depressing family movies are not the way you were supposed to change it up!
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (2008) – Yes! This one is actually funny! Maybe you’re starting to…
Bedtime Stories (2008) – GOD DAMN IT!
Funny People (2009) – Not only are you terrible, but now you help Judd Apatow make his worst film as well? WHY DO YOU SUCK SO MUCH?
Grown Ups (2010) – AND NOW YOU SUCK EVEN HARDER. DAMN YOU TO HELL, ADAM SANDLER.

So Adam, this is where we are now. You suck. And today, everyone can go see (or preferably not see) Jack and Jill, which, at the time of this preview, has a whopping 0% fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes.

Final Verdict: If you forced me to watch this movie, I would figure out a way to kill myself by holding my breath. I know they say it’s impossible, but I’m pretty sure this film would give me the proper motivation.

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